Tired of being tired? Surprising truth behind your lack of energy

Human connection is not only a fundamental need, it is also the essence of our existence, the source of our strength, and the foundation of our empathy and compassion.

As a practicing psychologist, I have definitely noticed a rapid increase in reports of chronic fatigue over the past year. A large portion of my clients and patients are really struggling with a general lack of energy, despite still feeling ambitious, motivated (cognitively) and inspired to do things. They just physically cannot get themselves to execute on these internal drives. When they have time to themselves to work on their dreams, or do something that they know will bring them joy, they just physically do not have the energy. Opting for the remote and Netflix, or pulling their smartphones closer to scroll endlessly on social media, has become replacement activities. The only activities that seem viable given the amount of energy they have available.

In fact, I have suffered from the same unexplained tiredness or lack of energy, which has became particularly evident for me over the past 6 months. I just attributed this to the increased pressure in workload as the submission of my PhD was nearing and time crunching became the norm. I’ve had to prioritise work and PhD writing time, leaving very little time for social engagements and leisure. Additionally, as an introvert psychologist, I also really crave time by myself to recoup and recharge. However, no matter how much time I set aside to “recharge”, it never seemed to make a dent in my “energy meter”. This has been the case despite still keeping up with my daily training, eating well, meditating, reading, and journalling. In fact, most of the things I really gain energy from, such as writing, researching, creating content, lecturing, and reading, has decreased in the extent to which I dedicate time to them. These activities have become a “need to do” instead of my usual “want to do”.

When described in this way, it is then very easy to attribute this lack of energy and feelings of tiredness to being entirely unmotivated or even depressed. These reports would tick a lot of the DSM-5 symptom boxes for depression, such as:

· Loss of interest or pleasure in almost all activities

· Tiredness, fatigue, or low energy, or decreased efficiency with which routine tasks are completed.

· Sleep disturbance

· A sense of worthlessness or excessive, inappropriate, or delusional guilt (because you cannot commit to your dreams, or to-do list)

· Impaired ability to think, concentrate, or make decisions

However, in my work as a therapist, I am always very cautious to just attribute lack of motivation, procrastination, fatigue, lack of focus, and escape behaviours to depression. I am also a big advocate for working therapeutically first before considering supplementing with any psychotropics, such as anti-depressants or anxiolytics. Particularly when patients and clients still report a desire to want to change things, still experiencing aspirations to build something different for themselves, or wanting to use the free time they have more effectively and productively but cannot get themselves to execute anything. Depression is not always something that needs immediate “fixing”. Depression a sign that something needs to change!

One key reason for this is because I’ve noticed that once we work therapeutically and we actively and intentionally included more connection activities in their routine, making time to connect with others again, their symptoms improve substantially. It was almost as if the amount of social connection was directly proportionate to the rate of improvement in symptoms. I just attributed all of this to social connection. It seems that my clinical hunch was not far off. A recently published study by Stijovic and colleagues (2023) discovered a possible reason why — when we are lonely, we experience a decrease in energy similar to someone who has been fasting. In fact, when we are isolated from others, we crave the presence of others like we crave food (quite literally)! The participants in the experiment demonstrated this decrease in energy after only 8 hours of isolation. This just demonstrates our core basic human need for social connection and interaction.

As a corporate wellness consultant, I am also very concerned of the impact that this will have on the long-term effects of remote work. This is particularly true for extroverts! We know that extroverts recharge by being around people, whilst introverts recharge by being by themselves. Nonetheless, introverts do not necessarily need to be physically alone to recharge. They can recharge by reading a book in a bustling coffee shop, or whilst sitting with loved ones at home doodling on their iPads or sitting watching a movie. Introverts just need time in their own heads for a period of time in order to recharge. They need the space and time to create that inward focus as this is what energises them. So, given the remote working scenario, more and more people are isolated from simple human connection such as sharing a joke over a coffee in the communal area, or sharing a frustration with a colleague, or just sharing ideas with others. In fact, studies have also shown that brainstorming over Zoom does not deliver the same creativity than in a face-to-face group settings. This should not come as a surprise to those who have been engaging in these online brainstorming sessions — it is just not quite the same, right?

I have a feeling the isolation of the pandemic led to an increase in social anxiety which, in turn, has led to increased feelings of loneliness and lack of human connection, which then leads to increased fatigue, lack of motivation, lack of productivity, and even more disconnection, which then can potentially culminate in depression. One vicious cycle if you ask me!

The cure? Not so much vitamin-C for increased energy, but more accurately, vitamin-P(eople)!

I do believe we are heading towards a loneliness epidemic if we do not actively and intentionally create more opportunities to connect with others. So, before diagnosing yourself with depression or criticising yourself for not doing enough, perhaps start by intentionally connecting more. Also, if you are a CEO, manager, or a person in position of authority, why not use that to the betterment of those in your charge — create more opportunities to connect at work.

Our core human need for each other has never been more emphasised when we look at what the current human condition (and research) is reflecting back at us.