How Internal Investment Brings External Success

“To know yourself, you must sacrifice the illusion that you already do.” — Vironika Tugaleva

As we stand on the cusp of a new year, many of us take time to reflect on our lives and we come up with a set of new aspirations and goals. Often, this process involves resolutions aimed at improving some aspect of our external world such as trying out a new fitness program, better financial planning, improved career success, or acquiring some new technical skill. While these pursuits are undoubtedly valuable, they often tend to overshadow an equally, if not more, important goal, the pursuit of self-discovery.

The concept of self-discovery or self-mastery is often misunderstood. People frequently associate it with lofty ideals or clichéd notions of “finding your true self” or embarking on a spiritual retreat to some desolate place where under some tree you will find your true self. Sadly, these idealisations do not mirror the reality of the work that goes into self-discovery. Too often, self-discovery (or self-mastery) is reduced to ticking off tasks from a checklist, one that is based on some external advice (you know, that influencer).

True self-discovery goes far deeper. It involves an intentional process of turning inward to explore the landscape of your own mind, emotions, and behaviours. It is about recognising your patterns, understanding your motivations, and grappling with the contradictions that make you human. It requires pocket loads of courage, vulnerability, and, most importantly, a commitment to understanding yourself beyond the surface. It really is a difficult process and the courage it takes cannot be overstated. I always have such deep admiration for those who push through. As I tend to say to my clients, the difficult thing is not uncovering those “not-so-nice parts” about who you are. The difficulty lies in accepting that which you find.

Unfortunately, from my perspective, we are so eager to invest our time and resources in acquiring external knowledge (i.e., attending workshops, earning degrees, or learning new technologies) while we give little attention in getting to know the self. Ironically, it is often our focus on external factors that serve as a distraction from addressing the inner conflicts and unresolved questions that reside within.

However, I cannot overstate the benefits of learning about the human that you are. When you invest in understanding yourself, you lay the foundation for truly meaningful personal growth. This process equips you with the tools to navigate life’s challenges with resilience and authenticity. It enhances your relationships, not because you learn to please others, but because you develop the capacity to connect with them from a place of genuine understanding. It also fosters a sense of purpose, as you gain clarity on what truly matters to you, rather than being swayed by external expectations.

Additionally, what makes therapy sometimes tricky is the fact that it is by far an inherently non-linear path with no defined endpoint. It is a lifelong endeavour that evolves with time and circumstances.

Self-improvement, when driven by curiosity and understanding, takes on a deeper significance. Rather than being driven by a desire to “fix” yourself, it becomes about becoming who you want to be, recognising your own cognitive limitations, and move forward in alignment with your values and aspirations.

Critics may argue that self-discovery is an indulgent pursuit, one that is disconnected from the practical demands of modern life. To them, I would say that understanding oneself is not a luxury, it is a necessity. The challenges we face in our personal and professional lives are often rooted in a lack of self-awareness. Whether it is miscommunication in relationships, burnout in the workplace, or a pervasive sense of dissatisfaction, these issues are exacerbated when we operate on autopilot, disconnected from our inner selves.

Moreover, investing in self-discovery has ripple effects that extend far beyond the individual. When you commit to understanding yourself, you contribute to a culture of empathy and authenticity. You become better equipped to support others, whether as a partner, parent, colleague, or leader. Additionally, there is also the stigma that often surrounds introspection and self-improvement. There is this misconception that seeking help or engaging in self-reflection is a sign of weakness. As I’ve noted before, it is the exact opposite! Getting to know yourself deeply is a testament to strength and courage.

So, as we enter the new year, I encourage you to consider your own journeyand investment in learning about who you are. Embrace it with curiosity and compassion, knowing that it is not about becoming someone else, but about becoming more fully you!

The process may not always be comfortable, but it is always worthwhile. I truly believe that the greatest gift you can give yourself is the gift of self-knowledge (or SelfIQ as I like to call it). Yes, it sucks at times, but as with all great endeavours, the rewards are immeasurable. So, as you set your intentions for the year ahead, why not choose to learn more about who you are, not for the person you hope to become, but for the person you already are — someone worth knowing, understanding, and celebrating?

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