Feeling Lost, Confused, and Frustrated? Curse Of The Modern Achiever

“At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want.” — Lao Tzu

I am sure if you are reading this newsletter, then you are someone who is interested in personal growth and self discovery. You want to know all there is to know about the human psyche and how to navigate life successfully. Then, I am sure you are also no stranger to the meaning crisis that people are currently facing on a global scale. In fact, you may find yourself in that very same crisis, too.

Lately, I have been particularly preoccupied with this crisis. Maybe it is the influence of The Undiscovered Self by Carl Jung or The Divided Brain and the Search for Meaning by Iain McGilchrist, but I cannot help but notice how eerily relevant their words remain today. It is as if they foresaw the restless, hyper-achieving souls of the future — people who feel destined for more but cannot quite figure out what “more” even means.

A Predetermined Path

One significant contributor to this sense of disorientation among achievers I believe is the already structured and externally validated path they have been following. As an achiever, you have likely, from an early age, adhered to societal expectations — pursuing prestigious careers, accumulating accolades, and securing external validation that reassured you of your competence, acceptance, and worthiness. However, at some point, an internal voice began to stir. That quiet but persistent reminder of an unfulfilled purpose, an aspect of yourself that has been neglected in the pursuit of some external success.

Finding yourself at this crossroads can provoke intense anxiety. There is no assurance that you will remain valued if you deviate from the expectations imposed upon you. Who are you if you are not defined by your achievements?

This internal turmoil is compounded by external confusion. We live in an era of boundless options — becoming an entrepreneur, an influencer, a content creator, a YouTuber. Never before have we had so many avenues to define success, yet paradoxically, this abundance can lead to paralysis. The implicit directive is to “just do it”. But what, exactly? How does one decide on the right path amidst so many choices? Research suggests that an excess of options often results in inaction, leaving individuals feeling lost rather than empowered.

Additionally, or social comparison meter further exacerbates this uncertainty. We witness others seemingly forging their own paths effortlessly, leaving us feel all the more behind. Why have we not yet discovered our own purpose? Additionally, the prevailing narrative surrounding success is misleading. Many success stories are presented as though the person just intuitively “knew” what they were meant to do. However, this perspective often overlooks the struggles, the uncertainty, and the missteps that preceded their breakthroughs. The reality is that most people do not arrive at their calling in a moment of clarity, rather, they navigate a series of trials, failures, disappointments, and hell of a lot wrong choices.

However, even when these online success stories do voice their struggles and the sheer amount of determination and years of graft, it too can be debilitating to achievers. Why? Because instead of seeing the ability to build something worthy over the long haul, achievers find it discouraging. They believe that not only have they not found their “thing” yet, but now they will also have to spend years building towards success once they finally do find it! This can be like extra mud being added to their already stuck-in-the-mud state.

Navigating Yourself Back

So, how do you start to navigate yourself out of this utter state of confused mess?

First, recognise that rushing into the next best thing might seem like you are saving months, but in reality, you are wasting years. Slowing down, reflecting, and turning inward is arguably the most valuable first step. You need to do less, not more. Read that again! High achievers are wired to push harder, take bigger risks, and keep moving forward at all costs. But the real challenge is actually to slow down. To reconnect with that inner voice that you have so unconsciously cut off. It is about tuning into what feels right, rather than just what sounds right.

I have FIVE key strategies to help you start feeling what energises you and gives your life meaning.

1) Journal Yourself Back
Yes, I can already hear the collective eye-rolls from the high achievers. I get it. You do not have time. I used to be the same — an on-again, off-again journal-er whenever life allowed. But, honestly, journaling has been one of the most liberating, soul-connecting habits I have ever picked up. It forces you to translate the chaos in your mind into something tangible. And trust me, you will be surprised at how differently you sound on paper compared to the way your thoughts loop in your head.

Start with these prompts:

• Write about things you used to love doing. Reflect on childhood memories that stand out as positive experiences. What made them special? How did they make you feel? Even if childhood is a blurry or painful space for you, see if you can find moments that sparked joy.
• Make a list of things you still want to do. Ignore the constraints of money, time, or practicality. Just write down everything you would regret not doing.
• Write about your ideal life — If you had a magic wand, what would your life look like? Not in some distant future, but from the perspective of how you feel right now. What would your days and weeks look like? Where would you be? Who would be around you?

2) Use Technology to Gain Self-Knowledge
Self-discovery is not just a philosophical exercise — it is also a science. Another great tool to get to know yourself better is using amazing tools like psychometric measures. These are psychological questionnaires that help you get a better understanding of yourself. You know, the personality profiling, IQ assessments, etc. However, not all psychometric assessments are created equal! Avoid using the fluff stuff that is free online and end up categorising you as a dolphin, snake, or some shade of yellow.

A great starting point is a test like Gallup’s Clifton Strengths Inventory is a great tool to assess your strengths. I view psychometric assessments like the ’tests’ for your psychological makeup. Just like you have blood tests to assess your physical makeup. These are not set in stone, and they vary, just like bloods vary. But for the most part, you have a nice framework to work from based on where you find yourself at that stage of your life. Some key assessments worth exploring include:

• Personality and values assessments
• Strengths and interest inventories
• Resilience and emotional intelligence tests
• Attachment and management styles

3) Connect With Humans (Yes Real Ones!)
A lack of connection can amplify confusion and stagnation. When you are trapped in an echo chamber of your own thoughts, you lose the opportunity to see yourself from different angles. Who you are is not just what you think — you are also shaped by what others reflect back at you.

But it is vital to remember that not all feedback is useful. Be mindful of who you allow to shape your self-perception. Social media and surface-level acquaintances might paint an inaccurate picture of who you are. Instead, surround yourself with people who truly know you — like those who have seen you in different situations, who challenge you, who bring out the best in you, and who hold you accountable. They can help remind you of what makes you unique, what you are naturally good at, and where you might need to course-correct.

4) Identify Energy Givers And Zappers
The next activity is really valuable, and ridiculously easy, to implement. Take a piece of paper (or open a digital document) and create two columns and label them: Energy Giver vs. Energy Taker. As you go about your days, keep track of what fills you up versus what depletes you. Activities, people, and moments that leave you feeling inspired, hopeful, and alive go into the “Energy Giver” column, whilst tasks, habits, or relationships that drain your energy, create frustration, or cause anxiety go into the taker column. The goal is to bring more of the energising elements into your life and reduce the presence of things that suck the joy out of you.

5) Embrace The Uncertainty
This is arguably the toughest part of the journey towards finding that thing that gives you meaning and fulfilment. You will never arrive at “the thing” in your head. It will never come to you in thought. It will be a feeling. Once you have a better understanding of what makes your heart sing, keep bringing those elements into your life.

Just take one step in that direction. Observe how it makes you feel. If it excites you, do more of it. If it feels forced and unnatural, reassess. It is by doing that you will stumble upon that feeling that makes you go “I love doing this!”. Stop expecting yourself to come up with a cognitive solution to a very existential problem. Absorbing more information is not going to be helpful. Yes, once you know more or less what direction you want to aim in, then go wild. But, until then, stop consuming and exchanging meaning for information.

Ultimately, the path to clarity and fulfilment is not found in frantic searching — it is found in slowing down, tuning in, and taking intentional steps. As high achievers, we expect to be amazing at something from the get-go. But the truth is we will probably suck at it first. And that is entirely okay. If it is truly meaningful to you, you will push through the discomfort. In fact, the pain of not doing it will become worse than the fear of failing.

So, stop overthinking it. Step away. Do more fun things. Pick something. Start. See where it leads. Your next breakthrough is not waiting in yet another book, a podcast, or a planning session — it is waiting in the feeling you are avoiding

If you liked this article, let me know by giving it a clap or drop me a comment below. You can also connect with me on LinkedIn, Instagram, Medium, or join my weekly Newsletter, Lessons from the Couch — where I share nuggets of psychological wisdom, fascinating research from psychology and technology, and personal lessons straight from my therapy couch.